This audio post is in response to a prompt from
and her Substack Circle Audio Challenge #1: Transitions. For more details, go here.This is my first time experimenting with an audio post! It feels like I’ve just started an unofficial podcast! You should have the option to click on a button to read the transcript of this recording if you prefer (but I’ll also post the transcript below just in case that doesn’t work).
RE: Transitions…
In this audio recording, I briefly talk about what it has been like to move through the transition of parenting young kids to becoming a parent of adult children who has more time to figure out the next phase of life.
It’s a transition in which I unexpectedly find myself grieving the past. And I know it’s not an uncommon experience - many mother’s go through this “empty nest” syndrome, as it’s often referred to.
Regardless, I still think it’s important to take time to reflect on these kinds of significant life changes - to understand how YOU are experiencing them, so you can process the emotions you’re feeling.
Recently, I also discovered the term Ambiguous Loss (and ambiguous grief), which I mention in this recording. This term has helped me to understand that there’s a different kind of grief that can happen when you lose your sense of identity. It’s a hard to define grief that may not have any sense of closure - hence why it is ambiguous. Yet, it can still be difficult to experience.
I will link to another post that goes into more detail about this topic of Ambiguous Loss once it’s ready.
For now, I hope you’ll take a moment to listen to the audio or read the transcript and share your own thoughts or experiences with this kind of transition.
Transcript:
Hi, this is Darcey Rojas, and I write Bloom by Design on Substack.
This is an audio response to Laura Oldfield's 5-minute audio challenge on transitions.
Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is - why do some people manage their life transitions easier
and in a more efficient, calm kind of way.
And other people seem to kind of dig their feet in and just struggle to make a change - to let life evolve, and shift, and grow?
I've found myself in both places at different times.
Sometimes I crave a transition.
Sometimes I wait too long to make a transition and then I'm beyond ready to go for it - and it doesn't matter what happens.
It doesn't matter what falls apart in the process because I'm so excited about the new thing that I'm building.
Other times, I struggle more - and just the mere thought of changing my way of life can send me into panic attacks.
Lately, my most current transition is that I'm a mother of two older children.
One is 25.
My son is 25.
My daughter is 17.
She's got her license.
She's more independent now.
She plans on getting an apartment when she turns 18.
I'm not by any means pushing her out of the house or anything, but this is what she wants to try to do.
For the first time in 25 years, I'm in a place where everything is changing quite drastically.
Because pretty soon I won't have kids at home.
And even though my daughter and son are eight years apart - my son leaving the house didn't affect me quite as much as the thought of my daughter leaving.
But I think that's because when he left she was still so young that she needed so much of my time and attention.
And I was,
you know, caught up in life - and living - and it didn't feel as big of a shift or transition as it does now.
Because the thought of both of them no longer living here - I mean it changes everything!
It changes everything about my day-to-day life and even my identity.
Because for so long, my identity was so tied to who I was as a mother to younger children.
And my main purpose was to mother them as best I could - to mother them better than myself, than my mother could mother me, because of issues she had with mental illness.
So, this transition has been somewhat difficult.
I've grieved more than I expected to.
And I realized that this grief is sort of an ambiguous loss because it's hard to define.
It's hard to explain because my kids, thank God, are still here.
I'm not losing a person.
I'm not losing someone in that way.
I'm just losing an experience that I treasured so much while it was happening.
And I know all I can really do is just give myself time, give myself grace, and look for new things that feel exciting.
And really, I am excited for the next chapter.
I mean, don't get me wrong - I have creative projects that I've put on hold for a while.
I have books that I want to write.
I have dreams and aspirations that I'm excited to be able to put more time into.
And I'm also extremely thrilled to watch how my children grow into adults.
This is just my response to this audio challenge and sharing what I think about transitions.
But I really am curious...
If you have any input, any ideas, about why it's so hard to make some transitions and others just flow so easily?
Why some people do so much better with change and others never want anything to change?
So, I'd be curious to hear your thoughts.
And if you're curious to follow along and get more of my writing, more of my audios, I'd love to have you subscribe or follow on notes.
As of this recording, I'm a pretty new Substack, but I'm excited to see where this goes.
I'm excited to have a space just for my thoughts and creative writing, and to connect with other writers and thinkers - deep thinkers.
So, I look forward to talking to you in the comments and I hope you all have a great day!
Hi there, I’m Darcey. Writer, holistic designer + experiential placemaker, artisan, and intentional living advocate. I'm also mom to two grown children, married, and currently navigating the liminal space of mid-life transitions in rural Wisconsin, USA.
This is my newsletter - Bloom by Design. It’s where I share bold dreams - new and revived, stories of what happens when you follow intuitive resonance, and adventures in Intentional Lifestyle Design. It's an experiment in creating space for the essential self to bloom and thrive.
I hope you’ll subscribe!
Reflecting on the Mid-life Transition of Motherhood (recorded by Darcey Rojas) - a Substack Sound Circle Audio Challenge #1.