Sharing my reflections on the transition from raising kids to figuring out what comes next - in response to Laura Oldfield's first Substack Sound Circle Audio Challenge.
Hi there. I found your post because I’m curious about this audio challenge by Laura Oldfield. I have four kids who are 23, 21, 18, and 15. I’m moving rapid fire toward the same transition you’re talking about. Already dealing with questions about this identity shift, about what to do with the space in front of me when it was defined for so long by active motherhood. But also, my kids still need me, they still reach out for support, they still come home a lot. So it’s a messy transition (are there any transitions that aren’t?). I don’t have any wisdom or answers simply saying “yes, me too”.
Hi Aimee! Yes, it is a messy transition with no real before and after. Which is a good thing I think, but also comes with its own difficulties.
My kids are constantly still needing me, as well - which I love! But it’s sporadic, and mostly in the form of advice seeking. It does make it hard to plan a day dedicated to my own creative work sometimes. But I’m learning that I just need to set good boundaries and not feel guilty about being occupied with my own dreams.
I know I should have done more of this while they were growing up. And I did to an extent, but their needs were always priority. Now they may have to wait an extra hour or two to tell me something - but that’s ok, too. I know they’re excited to support me in what comes next - so they’re willing to give me the space I need to grow, just as I’ve given that to them.
Let me know if you do the sound challenge! I love that this platform connects us with so many people who are experiencing similar things in life. Enjoy your day! 🤍
I could have written your comment myself so it sounds like we have some similarities in our experiences of motherhood and figuring out our path forward now. It's a winding road of enjoying the kids, remaining flexible, but also pursuing the things we're passionate about.
After reading @Darcey Rojas’ words on transition, I realise that I have probably been focusing on moving out of our family home next year as a way to bring a sense of control, when things around me feels out of my control.
I was 22 when I got married and 23 when we had our oldest child. Now 47, I am looking at what my identity is outside of being a hands on mum.
Hi Mika! Thank you for your kind response 💕And my goodness - I can completely relate to what you write about wanting to move house as a way to bring a sense of control during times of transition!
You would not believe how much writing I have in my journals on reflections of home, along with research I’ve done on how this environment impacts our wellbeing, our identity, and influences our ability to actualize our inherent potential. I’ve even mapped out strategies for changing your spaces during life transitions - as a way of supporting your own personal growth, as well as your family’s.
I think you’ve just inspired a new post I feel called to write today! (I actually wrote it out in my response to you here - then decided it was so long I should just post it as a reflective essay.) If it’s all right, I’d love to mention your comment and tag you?
Hi there. I found your post because I’m curious about this audio challenge by Laura Oldfield. I have four kids who are 23, 21, 18, and 15. I’m moving rapid fire toward the same transition you’re talking about. Already dealing with questions about this identity shift, about what to do with the space in front of me when it was defined for so long by active motherhood. But also, my kids still need me, they still reach out for support, they still come home a lot. So it’s a messy transition (are there any transitions that aren’t?). I don’t have any wisdom or answers simply saying “yes, me too”.
Hi Aimee! Yes, it is a messy transition with no real before and after. Which is a good thing I think, but also comes with its own difficulties.
My kids are constantly still needing me, as well - which I love! But it’s sporadic, and mostly in the form of advice seeking. It does make it hard to plan a day dedicated to my own creative work sometimes. But I’m learning that I just need to set good boundaries and not feel guilty about being occupied with my own dreams.
I know I should have done more of this while they were growing up. And I did to an extent, but their needs were always priority. Now they may have to wait an extra hour or two to tell me something - but that’s ok, too. I know they’re excited to support me in what comes next - so they’re willing to give me the space I need to grow, just as I’ve given that to them.
Let me know if you do the sound challenge! I love that this platform connects us with so many people who are experiencing similar things in life. Enjoy your day! 🤍
I could have written your comment myself so it sounds like we have some similarities in our experiences of motherhood and figuring out our path forward now. It's a winding road of enjoying the kids, remaining flexible, but also pursuing the things we're passionate about.
I did post a audio clip for the challenge. Reaching back to a transition from when the kids were young. https://open.substack.com/pub/aimeeguest/p/a-chance-to-bloom?r=e9xrs&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I relate to this so much Darcey’s words as well.
Our kids are 23, 21, 19 and 17.
After reading @Darcey Rojas’ words on transition, I realise that I have probably been focusing on moving out of our family home next year as a way to bring a sense of control, when things around me feels out of my control.
I was 22 when I got married and 23 when we had our oldest child. Now 47, I am looking at what my identity is outside of being a hands on mum.
It’s very very odd.
Hi Mika! Thank you for your kind response 💕And my goodness - I can completely relate to what you write about wanting to move house as a way to bring a sense of control during times of transition!
You would not believe how much writing I have in my journals on reflections of home, along with research I’ve done on how this environment impacts our wellbeing, our identity, and influences our ability to actualize our inherent potential. I’ve even mapped out strategies for changing your spaces during life transitions - as a way of supporting your own personal growth, as well as your family’s.
I think you’ve just inspired a new post I feel called to write today! (I actually wrote it out in my response to you here - then decided it was so long I should just post it as a reflective essay.) If it’s all right, I’d love to mention your comment and tag you?
Please go ahead! I really look forward to reading it!